Numb: A Black Cat Songfic
by Home By Another Way
Summary: Before Saya appeared on that rooftop, Train had been living a gray life with no other reason to continue but for the assignments Chronos gave him.  He hadn't been happy, but he hadn't been sad either.  She just had to make him feel alive again . . .


**I came across this song and thought it suited the Black Cat's situation perfectly. Timeline-wise, I imagine this takes place somewhere around just after Train gets his bell and collar. **

**WARNING: Kinda dark (in my opinion), it _is_ angst after all.**

**Disclaimer: Black Cat belongs to Kentaro Yabuki, and the song Numb belongs to Linkin Park. You should _so_ go listen to it! Like, RIGHT NOW!**

**Numb: A Black Cat Songfic**

Train played with the full bottle of milk in front of him, not really seeing it and not really caring.

He had gotten away from Sven and the Princess for a while, and now all he wanted to do was drown his sorrows in the delicious beverage before him (though he couldn't possibly hope to get himself drink on milk).

Sighing in frustration, Train slammed his head into the wall behind him, barely registering the sticky warmth of the blood as it trickled through his hair.

The teenage assassin hadn't meant to, but somehow he'd found himself back on the rooftop where it had all began, where he'd first begun to change, where he'd first begun to see a glimmer of a different "light," where he'd first heard that voice –

Train sucked in a harsh breath as he finally allowed the realization to completely dawn on him.

This grimy, trash-covered, concrete, ordinary rooftop was where he, the Black Cat, had first met her.

Saya.

An odd, strangled sound took the place of his next pained gasp and Train wasn't even surprised to feel the tears start to burn his eyes and trickle, down his cheeks.

Before he could get too carried away, a song playing from an open window across the way reached his ears and he froze; eyes wide.

It wasn't a song Train recognized, but it seemed to suit his situation perfectly. His eyes closed as he fell asleep, the words still floating around his head.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Creed . . .

Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface.

Chronos . . .

Don't know what you're expecting of me

Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

Creed had been his "teacher," Train remembered, painful though it was. After he had "passed" Creed's class and received his Hades, Creed had always said he expected so much from him, and Train knew he gave much better than he got. But lately, Creed's unstableness had seemed to get the better of him.

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

Train had been getting such mixed signals from Creed recently, and then he'd just . . .

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there

Become so tired, so much more aware

I'm becoming this, all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

Before Saya had appeared, Train had been an empty, precise, emotionless killer. It was his job, after all. Eventually every assignment had just blurred together, and Train Heartnet had lost all traces of his already-shattered soul to the monotony of eliminating people from the shadows.

Can't you see that you're smothering me,

Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?

Of course, Creed had been nothing short of ecstatic about his success rate. He had always been making those weird comments . . .

. . . Now that he allowed himself to actually _think_, Creed's obsession with him was even more sickening. And because of it, Train had become more and more of a shell than a person . . .

'Cause everything you thought I would be

Has fallen apart right in front of you.

. . . And then Saya had arrived, and changed everything.

(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

Every step that I take is just another mistake to you

Train started drifting further from Creed, and the bastard claimed it was all because of that witch.

(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

And every second I waste is more than I can take.

After getting to know that odd girl in old-fashioned kimonos, Train's gray world had been redefined. He'd begun to feel restless –.

I've become so numb; I can't feel you there,

Become so tired, so much more aware

I'm becoming this, all I want to do

Is be more like me, and be less like you.

Chronos's iron grip had begun to feel more and more like a cage, and Train had considered breaking away altogether.

But then . . .

And I know

I may end up failing too.

But I know

You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.

But then Creed had gone too far.

I've become so numb; I can't feel you there,

Train could still see the blood.

Become so tired, so much more aware

It was strange. When Train had seen red, everything had become so horribly clear.

I'm becoming this, all I want to do

Is be more like me, and be less like you

As Train held her cooling hand, as he heard her dying words, as Creed ranted insanely in the background, he came to a decision.

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.

(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)

He was so _done_ being a tool; the target of sadistic mind games.

Train had accomplished everything they asked of him. He was their best assassin, their (un)lucky Number XIII. He had been their messenger of 'peace' for so long, but now he was through with that crap because . . .

. . . Because just when he'd begun to feel _alive_ again, almost the exact moment he'd finally found something to live for – they'd taken it from him.

As he watched the light die in her beautiful eyes, Train realized that he wanted nothing to do with people like that: who would be so cruel just to further their own goals.

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.

(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)

So, he left.

Train drew his Hades, vowed before her dead body that he _would_ avenge her, and fired at the messed-up bastard who had murdered her in order to "free Train from her spell."

As he shot to kill Creed, that horrible rage making Train more ferocious and colder than he'd ever been, he could feel the chains break, could taste freedom for the first time in so long.

Beneath the exploding fireworks that night, Train Heartnet severed all ties with Chronos and his past with them.

He became a sweeper and left it all behind, never looking back.

**So, did you like it? Did it make sense? Did I get the chronological order right? What about my punctuation? Am I hopeless? Lemme know!**

**Oh, and Happy Leap Year (I think it's funny that a kind in my sister's 6th grade class just turned 3)! My poor watch didn't get the memo and thinks it's already March.**

**And after all that doom and gloom you just read, here's something to think about . . .**

_What if all you had tomorrow was what you thanked God for today?_


End file.
